So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
