no, he came in my armpit
Barsexuality is the new black.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
