vagina is talking i cant
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
