who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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