TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
