I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
