I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
