Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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