she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
