I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So vagazzling was a success
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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