I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
