How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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