I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
