I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
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Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
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So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.