how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...