stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.