Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
