I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Shame - the story of my life.
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