Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
