He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
