If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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