u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
