I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
