Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
