Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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