I must be too annoying 4 u.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
