When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
