census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
