Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
