On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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