Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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