i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
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Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
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Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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