So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
