the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
