he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's blow job season.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
