Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
