Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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