I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
