all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
