If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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