ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
