This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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