butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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