Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
accomplished twins. life is a go
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
