Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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