mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
