y did u give ur computer a hand job?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
