Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
