I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
