I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
