Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
