I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
