life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize