You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
