For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Everyone says I win the strip club
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
