About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
