She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
