Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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