Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
