so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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