you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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