I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
