Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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