Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
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i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
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Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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