I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You are a genius and a whore.
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