I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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