I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
