like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
