it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
