Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize