My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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