If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
