Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
