You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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