Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
