I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
