I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
