I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
