Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
