Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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